Adventures in Fast Food
by 0Alykinze0
Summary: Vegeta and his family eat at McDonald's, and have a few mishaps that cause Vegeta to lose his temper. Slight coarse language, minor crack.


**AN: Been wanting to write this for a while, enjoy ~Aly**

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><p>Vegeta sauntered into the brightly lit McDonald's, with Bulma and Trunks right behind him. The air smelt heavily of grease and puke - the place was nearly empty, with a few bums playing cards at a rusty booth. If it was up to him, the amazing prince would've stayed in the car, while the woman and the boy fetched their "food", but Bulma insisted they needed to at least pretend to be a family once in a while.<p>

Immediately sulking up to the moldy counter (might as well get this traumatic experiences over with) Vegeta roared, "I require some assistance, you filthy peasant!" The cashier blinked and put on an extremely fake smile, saying blandly, "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"

From beside him, Bulma started, "Yes, you can - I'll take a small salad, with extra chestnuts, and a vitamin water."

"We don't serve vitamin water here, ma'am - we have regular water-"

"Are you crazy? That will go straight to my thighs! Never mind, I'll just take the salad."

"By salad, I assume you mean the McSalad?" The cashier replied point-blankly. Trunks giggled.

"Sure, whatever-"

"What the hell is a Quadruple McCheeseburger?" Vegeta angrily interrupted. It seemed he was having trouble with the menu. "And what douche bag would order a 'McWeiner'?"

The lady tried to muffle her chuckle, but Vegeta noticed and he exploded, "You dare mock me?"

"I'm sorry-" the woman retorted, and Bulma sighed - she knew there was going to be some sort of confrontation.

"You complete imbecile! Do you know who you have the rare pleasure of speaking to? I don't have time to deal with mortal morons! I-"

"I want a happy meal!" The 5-year old Trunks squealed from down below.

"What kind?" The cashier replied with the same monotone she had maintained throughout the ordering. Vegeta huffed in annoyance as his rant had just been interrupted.

When Trunks didn't answer right away (it seemed he had been distracted by Vegeta's now murderous expression) Bulma stated his favorite - "Hamburger with no pickles."

"And with apple dippers or French Fries?"

Vegeta, his temper getting the better of him, said, "My son will maintain a healthy diet if he ever wants to become even half of the greatness that is me! Apple Dippers!"

"By apple dippers, I assume you mean the McApple Dippers?"

"What the hell else could I mean?" he yelled in utter irritation.

"I see. And the drink?"

Trunks belted out, "Chocolate Milk!"

Vegeta was about to complain about that one too, but was interrupted by the cashier, who said, "I see. And for you, sir?"

"I'll take whatever isn't swimming in grease, deep-fried, or garbage," he declared in a haughty tone.

"I'm afraid McDonald's doesn't offer anything within that criteria."

Literally face-palming, he thought screw it, and said, "Fine, I'll take four number ones."

"Okay, so a number four-"

"No, I said four number ones,"

"Oh, a number four, and a number one-"

"No! I don't want a number four!"

"So just a number one?"

"Four of them!"

"Of what?"

"OF NUMBER ONES!"

"Wait, so four number ones?"

"YES!"

"Ah...and drinks?"

Clenching his teeth together - he wanted to refrain from violence in front of his son (see? he does care) - Vegeta tried to control himself and forced out, "I really don't freaking care anymore."

The lady was about to say something again, but Bulma quickly interjected, "Water will be fine."

Pushing a few buttons on her cash register, the lady said, "Will that be all?"

"Yes," Bulma acknowledged, and began to scrounge her purse for her wallet.

"Your total is $15.09," she announced. In disbelief that you actually have to pay for things you want, Vegeta shouted, "We will not be paying for such trash! I am royalty, and I refuse to give you any cent of my hard earned cash!"

Bulma, in annoyance, said, "Vegeta, it's not a big deal," and handed the woman a 20 dollar bill. Mouth gaping, Vegeta watched as the lady made change and announced their order would be ready in around 5 minutes, and to listen for number "23".

Muttering angrily, "That was HELL," Vegeta followed Trunks and Bulma as they apparently eagerly searched for a "safe" table for them to wait on. Trunks pointed out one that didn't look too scary and the family sat down and waited.

Soon a call of "Number 23!" echoed through the deserted restaurant and Vegeta reluctantly strutted indignantly up to the counter to retrieve their meals. The lady murmured sarcastically, "Enjoy," and Vegeta used every ounce of strength to refrain from obliterating her. He took the slimy tray in one hand and the cup holder in the other and started back towards the table. Plopping the food down haphazardly, he dropped into his hard chair and stared at the extremely unappealing and hastily wrapped assortment of "McChickens" and "McDoubles".

Trunks immediately dove into his oddly packaged happy meal (to Vegeta, it looked like a mini doghouse, or something foreign chocolate comes in). Bulma retrieved her salad, and Vegeta started digging into his 'four number ones', which turned out to be a hamburger with fries. Wincing at the grease and over-usage of salt, he quickly chowed down the first burger and began his second. He was interrupted for about the 5th time that day with a wail from Trunks, to which Bulma immediately responded, "What is it, Trunks?"

"They gave me pickles!" To prove his point, the boy opened his bitten-out-of burger to show his parents the green culprits.

Sighing, Bulma pleaded, "Vegeta, could you handle this? I think they mixed us up - they gave him extra pickles while they gave me no chestnuts... I'm going to go get some more."

Trunks, who was by that point tearing up, started trembling, which was a telltale sign of a temper tantrum. Vegeta quickly said, "Here, boy, I'll just take the pickles off-"

"It still tastes the same! It's bad now!"

"Just eat the burger, Trunks! I command you!"

By that point, Bulma had returned, stating in a really irritated tone, "Apparently, they're all out of chestnuts-" She stopped and stared at her son, who was rolling around of the floor, screaming dramatically. "What did you do, Vegeta?"

"I just told him to eat it how it was-"

Cooing Trunks, trying to get him to calm down, Bulma screeched, "Just go get him another one!"

With a I-am-so-done-with-this-day grunt Vegeta swiftly journeyed to the counter. "Listen, woman, I'm going to need another hamburger for my son, this time without any pickles!" he exclaimed.

"I'm going to need to see your receipt."

"What? Why, I ask? We're the only people here, and we ordered barely ten minutes ago, surely your small brain must remember-"

"Management regulations, Sir."

Losing it, Vegeta thundered, "You are going to make another pickle-less hamburger for my son this moment, or so help me, I'll splatter your brains all over the establishment!"

"I won't"

"DO IT NOW!"

"Not without a receipt."

Later, after that whole dilemma had been solved (Vegeta eventually retrieving the receipt and successfully obtaining another burger) the family sat down, trying to eat in peace. It seemed as though the rest of the afternoon at McDonald's would go smoothly, but Vegeta knew better, for his life wasn't really designed that way. Sure enough, one of the bums that were playing cards in the corner trotted over to their table and tried to get Trunks to come and play with them.

Vegeta immediately blew up, with his usual "You fool, how dare you, you pedophile..." routine, and soon scared the hobo off. Couldn't they eat (not enjoy, because you can't enjoy any food at McDonalds') a meal in peace? A minute later, Bulma said quietly, "You see son? That's why you don't talk to strangers."

Down to his last 'number one', Vegeta began to unwrap his burger, when Trunks screamed, "They gave me a girls toy!"

Closing his eyes, Vegeta calmly stated, "Too bad. You have dozens of toys at home, you don't need the pathetic pieces of plastic they give you here."

Typically, Trunks exploded into tears, but Bulma, deciding to give poor Vegeta a break, handled it, and was back with a boys toy in record timing.

A few minutes later, as they all finished (though with a few complaints about something here and there), Vegeta declared, "Let's go, NOW."

They all began to saunter towards the door. Vegeta was glad his mishaps seemed to be over for the day - Alas, it wasn't that easy in his amazing life. Apparently lost in thought, the saiyan prince slipped on what seemed to be a pile of pure grease and fell on his bottom. "Ow!" He yelled, getting up slowly and rubbing his tailbone. Trunks was giggling maniacally and even Bulma suppressed a smile. His features gleaming with blood lust, Vegeta turned towards the counter - it now hosted a different woman, the original one seemed to be on break.

"Haven't you ever heard of a wet floor sign, you jackasses! Damn all of you and this ridiculous eating establishment! I am done with this! You have ten seconds to evacuate this place before I'm going to blow it up!" Vegeta began to literally glow.

Frightened, the woman's reply of "McDonald's will not hold responsibility for injuries on or around property..." was lost, and she began to flee for her life out the back door.

Sighing wearily for the thousandth time in the last half hour, Bulma muttered, "Come on Trunks, Daddy's not kidding,"

And sure enough, after making sure Bulma and Trunks were satisfyingly far away from the McDonald's, Vegeta blew it up in several powerful blasts, while giggling sadistically. After he got it all out of his system, he huffed and went to meet his family, saying, "Well, I suppose we better get going."

So with that, they traveled away from the now non-existent McDonald's, Vegeta planning to take a long bubble-bath when he got home.

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><p><strong>AN: Review, plz? And thanks for reading :D ~Aly<strong>


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